Bad dreams

"The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score" -  Bill Copeland

 I just succeeded in solving a math question and actually miss the mental exercise. That just goes to show how much of mental work I put in every day. 

Last night was the second of such nightmares that I had been having for the past few months. Both of which evolved around exams, panic/anxiety attacks and fear. Last night's was so vivid I woke up with my heart beating rapidly and had to take several deep breaths to calm myself. Funny thing is, I already graduated. I no longer need to fear of exams. So why?

To dream that you are taking an exam, indicates that you are being put to the test or being scrutinized in some way. These dreams highlight some anxiety or agitation that you are experiencing in your waking life. In such dreams, you may find that you cannot answer any of the questions on the test, that the test is in some foreign language or that your pencil keeps breaking during the test. Perhaps time is running out and you cannot complete the exam in the allowed time. Or perhaps, you arrive late and miss the exam. These factors contribute to failing the dream test. These dreams usually have to do with your self-esteem and confidence or the lack of. You tend to believe in the worst about yourself and are often overly worried that you are not making the grade and measuring up to other people's expectations of you. You may also experience the fear of not being accepted, not being prepared, or not being good enough.
Test dreams also suggest that you are feeling unprepared for a challenge. Rarely, these dreams are about the actual content of the test, but rather it is more about the process and how you feel during the exam taking process. These feelings often parallel how you are actually feeling in a particular challenge or situation in your waking like. 

Test dreams are also an indication that you are being judged. These dreams serve as a signal for you to examine an aspect of yourself that you may have been neglecting and need to pay more attention to. You may be harboring some guilt because you did not prepare enough for a school exam, meeting, business project, or some project. Most of the time, though, people who have such dreams are unlikely to fail a test in real life. This dream is rooted in the fear and anxiety that you may not meet other's standards. You are afraid to let others down.

I suppose I see the reasons. 

I constantly feel like I am not at home. Unwelcomed. And how is that possible when technically, you are in the home of a relative?

It has not been quite as fun as I had imagined it would be. Though I came with no expectations, never had I imagined I would feel as unhappy as I do at present. 

Thankfully, I am heading home soon. Hopefully, the comfort and warmth at home would make it all okay.