Post It #3
I want to move on.
To feel happy again, to embrace the love that I have.
But why does my heart still call out to the past?
Why does the 26 of every month still make my heart skip a beat? Why does 26 June still seem like a significant date to me? Why does my head tick off yet another year for us? To know that if things hadn't changed, it would be a decade now.
A decade. And I flashback to the day you picked up that vase and filled up soil for me..the way it amused me that we ate sundae cones the same way - licking around the swirl till its smooth then in one bite, nip off the tip and slowly flatten the ice cream, gentle inching it to the base of the cone just so we could savour the last bite of cone and ice cream together...how we always agreed with each other with a "yupopo"...how every cute image of a pig got us squeezing each other's hands with glee..how...
But it's all in past now isn't it? The reality of why we ended things comes in waves. How you said I was poor in maths and was in poor control of my health. Of how you selfishly asked me to stay by till you decide if you wanted me for the rest of your life..
To think that I had the perception that our trips were giving out signs of our relationship getting stronger turned out to be so negative for you. To be blind sided this way was unexpected and caught me off guard.
Perhaps I had reacted too quickly. "Was I right to end it so abruptly? Had I made the gravest mistake? " these are questions that will forever haunt me. But I do know that I acted to protect myself from being torn apart and fooled.
And now I realised. I don't just want someone that ticks off the list of the perfect boyfriend. I want someone that will love me no matter what. To love me for who I am.
Why does the 26 of every month still make my heart skip a beat? Why does 26 June still seem like a significant date to me? Why does my head tick off yet another year for us? To know that if things hadn't changed, it would be a decade now.
A decade. And I flashback to the day you picked up that vase and filled up soil for me..the way it amused me that we ate sundae cones the same way - licking around the swirl till its smooth then in one bite, nip off the tip and slowly flatten the ice cream, gentle inching it to the base of the cone just so we could savour the last bite of cone and ice cream together...how we always agreed with each other with a "yupopo"...how every cute image of a pig got us squeezing each other's hands with glee..how...
But it's all in past now isn't it? The reality of why we ended things comes in waves. How you said I was poor in maths and was in poor control of my health. Of how you selfishly asked me to stay by till you decide if you wanted me for the rest of your life..
To think that I had the perception that our trips were giving out signs of our relationship getting stronger turned out to be so negative for you. To be blind sided this way was unexpected and caught me off guard.
Perhaps I had reacted too quickly. "Was I right to end it so abruptly? Had I made the gravest mistake? " these are questions that will forever haunt me. But I do know that I acted to protect myself from being torn apart and fooled.
And now I realised. I don't just want someone that ticks off the list of the perfect boyfriend. I want someone that will love me no matter what. To love me for who I am.
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