Happiness and its true meaning
It dawned upon me that i had been unhappy recently. No longer was i the cheerful, bubbly one that people gravitate towards but i became more sullen, withdrawn and impatient. What is truly happening? Is this the cause of a new environment - that perhaps, i have issues with change? Or is this due to a long existing low self-esteem that was just waiting to resurface and attack me?
I am struggling to find balance. But even as i write those words and tell myself, am i really struggling? Is it that difficult to achieve serenity and clarity in life? And if i probe that question further, am i just being so lazy that i no longer seek for the betterment of myself? Do i no longer love myself?
Loving oneself comes in various ways. It means taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. I would go even further to suggest that taking care of oneself includes the spiritual element that feeds the soul. So let's break it down and look at what i am currently facing.
Emotionally
Present: I feel that i have been impatient; moody; snappy; depressed and everything else that can possibly be negative.
I want to be happy. I want to be understanding. I want to be patient. I want to be kind.
As i continue to scrutinise myself closer, i realise that my need to be all of the positive feelings above stems from a struggle, a desire to be that person that stands for something. In this current company, everyone has their unique personality that stands out from others. One is smart and rational; one is kind and patient; one is loud and timely in work. So where do i stand? How do i stand out? What makes me different from them? Who am i?
Mentally
Present: I realised that i have a tendency of being dramatic, exaggerating information, bluffing my way through facts that aren't necessarily true or accurate. I no longer read.
I want to be smart. I want to be able to contribute ideas. I want to be informative. I want to be objective.
I have been occupying my time watching far too many YouTube videos, looking through Pinterest and playing Candy Crush that it is starting to bother me on the way i am spending my time. I am no longer feeding my mind with knowledge that it so desperately craves for. What is wrong with me? Reading used to be my favourite past time. I love reading. Why did i stop?
Physically
Present: I have been piling on weight that i shouldn't be piling on. My one big achievement to whip myself in shape had been to join the gym. I must say that i am proud of myself for being relatively consistent in ensuring that i participate in at least 2 classes a week. But if i were to look at the 80/20 rule in getting into shape, i am certainly doing nothing of the 80% of diet portion.
I want to be in shape. I want to be lean. I want to be healthy. I want to have good skin. I want to be able to fit into clothes.
I have been eating unhealthily and not been drinking the amount of water i need for my daily consumption. I used to be rather diligent eating salad but that itself started to take time for preparation because i started staying back late at work and returning home late that i no longer achieve that healthy balance i was so desperately searching for at the beginning. I wanted to work full time at work, head off to gym, head back on time for dinner with my family and if i need to continue work, i would or else i would just lay back and read!
Spiritually
Present: I have been so negative lately that i am positively sure that the devil is at my ear, in my mind.
I want to be positive. I want to be strong. I want to be confident. I want to be calm. I want to be wise.
It has been a bad excuse to say that me rushing off to work is the reason why i don't pray anymore. It is just a lame excuse. I have often told myself that even just 5 minutes of my time to start the day thanking God and asking for God's blessings for the day and another 5 minutes at night being appreciative and grateful for the blessings is all that is required. Is that truly so much to ask for?
I sincerely hope that when i look through this, i would realise just how much i really need to change myself for the better. To once, not blame others for my own mistakes. I am a stronger person. I am better than this. I know it.
I am struggling to find balance. But even as i write those words and tell myself, am i really struggling? Is it that difficult to achieve serenity and clarity in life? And if i probe that question further, am i just being so lazy that i no longer seek for the betterment of myself? Do i no longer love myself?
Loving oneself comes in various ways. It means taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. I would go even further to suggest that taking care of oneself includes the spiritual element that feeds the soul. So let's break it down and look at what i am currently facing.
Emotionally
Present: I feel that i have been impatient; moody; snappy; depressed and everything else that can possibly be negative.
I want to be happy. I want to be understanding. I want to be patient. I want to be kind.
As i continue to scrutinise myself closer, i realise that my need to be all of the positive feelings above stems from a struggle, a desire to be that person that stands for something. In this current company, everyone has their unique personality that stands out from others. One is smart and rational; one is kind and patient; one is loud and timely in work. So where do i stand? How do i stand out? What makes me different from them? Who am i?
Mentally
Present: I realised that i have a tendency of being dramatic, exaggerating information, bluffing my way through facts that aren't necessarily true or accurate. I no longer read.
I want to be smart. I want to be able to contribute ideas. I want to be informative. I want to be objective.
I have been occupying my time watching far too many YouTube videos, looking through Pinterest and playing Candy Crush that it is starting to bother me on the way i am spending my time. I am no longer feeding my mind with knowledge that it so desperately craves for. What is wrong with me? Reading used to be my favourite past time. I love reading. Why did i stop?
Physically
Present: I have been piling on weight that i shouldn't be piling on. My one big achievement to whip myself in shape had been to join the gym. I must say that i am proud of myself for being relatively consistent in ensuring that i participate in at least 2 classes a week. But if i were to look at the 80/20 rule in getting into shape, i am certainly doing nothing of the 80% of diet portion.
I want to be in shape. I want to be lean. I want to be healthy. I want to have good skin. I want to be able to fit into clothes.
I have been eating unhealthily and not been drinking the amount of water i need for my daily consumption. I used to be rather diligent eating salad but that itself started to take time for preparation because i started staying back late at work and returning home late that i no longer achieve that healthy balance i was so desperately searching for at the beginning. I wanted to work full time at work, head off to gym, head back on time for dinner with my family and if i need to continue work, i would or else i would just lay back and read!
Spiritually
Present: I have been so negative lately that i am positively sure that the devil is at my ear, in my mind.
I want to be positive. I want to be strong. I want to be confident. I want to be calm. I want to be wise.
It has been a bad excuse to say that me rushing off to work is the reason why i don't pray anymore. It is just a lame excuse. I have often told myself that even just 5 minutes of my time to start the day thanking God and asking for God's blessings for the day and another 5 minutes at night being appreciative and grateful for the blessings is all that is required. Is that truly so much to ask for?
I sincerely hope that when i look through this, i would realise just how much i really need to change myself for the better. To once, not blame others for my own mistakes. I am a stronger person. I am better than this. I know it.
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